compiled @byocarbs draft tweets on 10/1/2016

if u talk to an architecture student about exam stress or uni workload and they sympathise they are definitely pretending

you know you?re sad when you?re on your eighth croissant

I honestly piss myself in every nathan for you episode

if you resemble james macavoy in any small minute way then congrats I?m in love with you

friend: I?m having the most sex I?ve ever had my entire life

me: I think I am in love with my penpal

can?t spell menstrual without men, for some reason

a tv show like House but about an architect, also called House

seems insane that people go swimming for reasons other than to smell like chlorine

everyone has been the one that got away

thinking about getting a smear test out of boredom

my birthday wish is for no one to ever ask me what my birthday plans are ever again

I need feminism because I shouldn?t have to choose between sanitary pads or haloumi

by far the most disgusting thing I?ve done was sleep with a law student

architecture grad seeking underwear model for collaborative project. pls dm me

recurring themes: unrequited love, wasabi peas, being naked and alone

I love browsing productivity apps/listicles and pretending there?s hope for me

no regrets in life except for decision 10min ago to try disposing expired yoghurt down an already clogged sink

my apartment has wooden floors and a rainfall shower date me

what was the point of Marty in Gilmore girls

have been passively watching a continuous stream of gilmore girls for the past ~4 days

watching a polish movie on youtube without subtitles because I?m scared of torrents

I love writing in my diary on long haul flights and pretending to be deep in general

Imagine thinking you were about to marry the love of ur life then they?re like ?let?s do a choreographed dance and put in on YouTube?

if we sacrifice devendra banhart and ana kras to a volcano maybe then everyone else will get a chance at luv

how many more creepy tweets will I milk out of my one-way penpal romance before he actually writes back

I don?t know how to have a conversation without an americano in front of me

imagine being attracted to people that could realistically reciprocate your feelings

if those cards in the back of library books still existed I would spend all my time fb stalking potential soulmates

the last guy I slept with looked a lot like james macavoy but also a lot like one of the bad guys from home alone

2015 was so serenely uneventful all I did was dreamily buy groceries to belle & sebastian, come home, read a book

For my final design project I am going to cry

went to yumcha with a girl who I can never hear properly and ya know what? still couldn?t hear her

mother just sent me a 7minite video of the dog eating a pigs ear (I watched it 3 times)

scoping ppl on your flight out a determining who is Kate, Jack, Sawyer, Hurley etc

I have enough draft tweets to put togehter a very disjointed not very funny novel w lots of misspellings

my friend told me today I have the perfect life because it?s 50% idleness 50% carbs

I want to date a boy with a car so he can hit me with it

I keep having relations with increasingly taller blonde boys I am going to end up marrying a 20m tall golden retriever

Q: how many croissants to fill the void? A: 5

8months trapezing around se asia with fun hot scandinavians will be the best time of ur life but also completely ruin the rest of ur life

attempting to seduce a boy via snail mail. wish meluck

being reminded of ur budget lifestyle when u go to press play with the space bar but it doesn?t work bc it?s just gorillavid

hard not to be single when the feature you find most attractive is unattainability

every great modern love story has a notable moment at changi

if there?s one thing everyone loves, it?s a good optical illusion

my whole life is like the bachelorette except instead of boys its carbohydrates and instead of giving roses I just ceremoniously eat them

imo sleeping with writers from rival student magazines counts as networking

warming my left foot in dog?s ?armpit?

I don?t have sex much anymore but when I do I always say ?sorry? a lot

first thought of the day was ?must change my phone case to the bird one with sticky out feathers?

going shopping with $70 voucher I won for talking about bees and menstruation

just sent a piece titled ?girls don?t like sleep girls like coffee and diarrhea? to editor

the oldest I felt was when I went to download ?Fleek? on the app store bc I thought it was like Instagram but for eyebrows only

If men menstruated Disneyland would be called Periodland

wish I could experience falling in love for the first time again and by falling in love I mean watching Lost

with each potato I eat in bed the higher my standards for a romantic partner go

still mourning what happened in Star Wars (I left my Chinese takeaway in the cinema)

How many draft tweets do you guys have? I have 82738392

my friend and I did tarot readings for our tinder dates and mine predicted destruction and chaos and hers depression

my fav customer is this guy you smell before you see, never wears shoes and pays only in $1 coins even for ~$40 purchases

going to Gordon Harris like project runway contestants going to Mood

in the sexual prime of my life, trying to find a way to eat grated cheese in the shower without getting it wet

unaffected by wedding photos on fb bc the groom is never hot

what I?m looking for in a boyfriend is katsudon

I only buy cereal every 6 months because it takes me that long to decide which one to get

when in HK do as HKers do (watch cartoons at their grandparents house all day)

If I were on survivor a burger would be my loved one

how to harness period pain into renewable energy resource

if I?m ever seen with an ?adult colouring book? please just set me on fire

eating groceries out of the bag in the streets, also eating groceries out of the bag in the sheets

found my voice as a designer this yr - uhhhhhhhhhhhhh hmmm ummm

tutor: how r u going

me: not v well my mental health day turned into a fortnight lol

tutor: right so where r ur toilets


House should have been about an architect not a doctor

what if I was being catfished by my penpal

Saturdays are the best day to work because that?s when Nordic god-man and his biceps come in to buy organic dog food

For my final design project I?m going to Eat My Whole Fist

eating condensed coconut milk at 2pm for breakfast

Yeah I use a period tracking app it?s called Twitter

I need feminism because my mother keeps nagging me about eye cream

Missed connection:

Me: struggling to hold all my groceries, deeply regret not taking a basket

u: looking at me weirdly, not helping at all

I handed in a few pieces of ripped paper smudged with blood cheese and tears

Jamie Oliver?s documentary about sugar doesn?t pass the Bechdel test

all I want for my birthday is the death of anyone who asks me what I have planned for my birthday

Late for haircut today because mum was on the phone w a friend praying for my sister

be nice to ur checkout chick bc they?re probably a big wuss and will start tearing up if ur mean and make it really awkward for both of u

I don?t get hungover my face just swells up instead

seems insane that anyone can be productive unless also passively watching a constant stream of gilmore girls

1000 places to get explosive diarrhea before u die

learning naughty words in cantonese via english subtitled wong kar wai movies

fuji is the best apple linguine is the worst pasta

most at peace on a steamed up post-shower bathroom floor

looking forward to getting coffee with my friends later and being told in great detail about all the sex they?re having

Can?t wait to get back to the bachelor sanitary pad and watch tv all by myself

there are people who buy greeting cards and premade pasta sauces and there are people with taste

lookin a little lonely around the eyes and really really lonely around the thighs

the second most bachelorette thing is to drink diet coke at 2am and cry while reading old love letters and emails

swimming is cool because you get to smell like chlorine all day

when my Swedish ex asked the barber what?s good to do in wellington he replied ?not much, read a book?

hey I just met you and this is crazy but could you email me those photos you took with your DSLR just the ones I was in thanks

the party don?t start till I spill the wasabi peas everywhere

wtf is hard work

a good thing to say that always works when you have no idea what the other person is saying is ?oh just like in Harry Potter?

I?ve lost my mother in a sea of fleece

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